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Quarantine has surfaced a series of emotions (and provoked a few I’m not proud of!). No one is meant for isolation. From the time we are born, humans need each other to thrive.
After a month or two of strict stay at home and distance learning orders, I discovered a few things about me:
I love my family more than life, but without pacing myself and thoughtful breaks, they will suck the life right out of me. And this is coming from a Mama who nursed twins!
Pride & Shame
If we are going to talk about what fills up our cup we need to get one thing out of the way: Pride and Shame. Can I clarify that neither of these come from God? Here are a few verses that will help you reject this poisonous pair:
When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.
Proverbs 11:2
Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.
Proverbs 16:18
God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.
James 4:6
For everything that is in the world does not come from the Father. The desires of our flesh and the things our eyes see and want and the pride of this life come from the world.
1 John 2:16
I sought the Lord, and he answered me;
he delivered me from all my fears.
5 Those who look to him are radiant;
their faces are never covered with shame.
Psalm 34:4-5
Are we good? Leave that garbage in the trash where you DON’T belong. You were created for abundance (Ephesians 3:19), lavish grace (Ephesians 1:7-8) and eternity… and you long for it in your heart! (Ecclesiastes 3:11)
If we are going to talk about what fills your cup you have to be willing to catch the pour. Show up for yourself. Yes, you too deserve a seat at the table and to eat while the food is still warm. You too are worthy of refreshment and rest.
You are also a person. Remember? And if that doesn’t push your empty cup forward, know this: You can go and go and go until you reach the finish line… and you very well may cross it… but what will you be when you get there?
Sick and tired. Depleted and used. Unfulfilled or at most, not as fulfilled as you could have been.
Hear me out, there are seasons when you are stretched. Nursing Mamas know all about this: sleepless nights, no independence… dreaming of a warm shower in peace. Students in higher education get this: exam after exam, practical, thesis… the treadmill is dialed to the max!…
Mamas at home quarantined with children are experiencing the never-ending marathon of a race they never signed up for (runners bib: 2020). And yet, they are in it bare foot, nursing babes, chasing toddlers around the same four walls and thrown into an instant teaching career wondering when the school bus will come to save them. They’re waving down the driver with a white flag. Jesus take the wheel!
There are seasons, yes, (we are in one right now) and still, you need respite. If you don’t think you deserve a break, I hope you know that you need a break. If that doesn’t register, understand that your family needs you to take a break.
Look for the signs: Are you irritable? Falling asleep? Sluggish? Disengaged? Numb? Uninspired? Bitter? Resentful? Hopeless? Going absolutely crazy?… don’t ignore it.
You are not going to be the person you want to be. You are also not going to be the wife, mom, daughter, employee, sister, friend, student, etc. that they want you to be. You can’t be life giving if you are starved for oxygen.
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If you have a hard time leaving pride and shame behind, ask God to cleanse you of the lies this duo work so hard to imprint on your mind and heart. They only seek to steal, kill and destroy from the fullness God has for you.
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.
John 10:10
What Fills You?
This is something only you will know. It may take some time to figure out and I find that what refreshes me today is very different than what refreshed me 10 years ago. Seasons change and so do our needs.
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A few questions to ask yourself:
- What brings me joy?
- What gives me life?
- When am I most at peace?
- What do I miss and long for?
- What sets me free?
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I made this worksheet just for you! Download it below, print it out or type right into it! Take some time to really search your soul for the refreshment it needs.
If you need some ideas, I recently polled my instagram fam and this is what they do:
- Organize
- Entertain
- Beach with Family
- Sit Outside
- Read the Bible
- Read Novels
- Quilt
- Watch Fun Shows
- Exercise
I love to travel (harder these days), read, write, go on date nights, get pampered, catch up with friends, eat, drink and be merry! Is that so hard?
YES
Is it impossible?
NO
How exactly can you do it? Here are a few practical ways you can fill up your cup.
How to Practically Fill Up Your Quarantine Cup
Little secret for y’all: This isn’t the first time I’ve been quarantined. What did I do to deserve such isolation? I was fruitful and multiplied.
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It’s not apples to apples, but I remember being “quarantined” at home… fearful of going out and exposing my tiny twins to the big, germy world. My best friend had twins 6 months before me and one of her girls was hospitalized from a cold. Because there are further risks/complications that come with premies, a cold wasn’t just a cold… it was worse.
I took notes and made sure my twins were always home. If we took them out they were in our arms or we were wearing them. I did everything I could to exclusively feed them breastmilk as I knew they needed my antibodies. I felt chained to the girls or the pump. Waking up for night time feedings and trying to give my attention to the big kids during the day made for a challenging time. Big sister was 2-years-old. And very much 2….
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Here are some things I did during that time that SAVED me…
Practical Step #1: Ask for Help!
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This is a BIG one! Remember, we are putting pride to the side. Ask for help.
Back to our newly multiplied status: Mark was working and I was home, but I needed more hands. We had both grandmas taking turns sleeping with me once Mark went to work so they could help feed/change the babies at night. I was still recovering from my C-section as they traded off nights making sure I was never alone. On the weekends, Mark helped.
Did I ever in my life think I would be sharing a bed with my mom or mother-in-law for weeks – months? Nope. But I needed help so badly! I remember joking with them saying, “I’ll sleep with anyone who wants to help me!”
How Do I Ask?
What does asking for help look like during quarantine? This will depend on your comfort level with social distancing. Let’s assume the most conservative situation. It’s you + your husband + kids.
Step 1: Have an honest talk with yourself. Fill out the worksheet!
Step 2: Talk with your spouse. I mean really have a conversation about where you are. Ask him about where he is. Check in with each other and support one another.
Step 3: Ask your husband for help. It’s amazing what can happen when Daddy takes the kids for a walk so you can enjoy 30+ minutes to yourself!
If you are a single mom or Dad isn’t around, I highly recommend you “quarantine with someone”. This can look different depending on your needs. You can navigate this cautiously with someone else who has similar views and goals as you. If you have kids, do it with someone who can love on you and your whole package.
COVID is more threatening to the elderly, so maybe Grandma isn’t an option right now… what about your friend who is also drowning in quarantine? I mean what I said before: no one is meant for isolation. If you can find a friend/family you feel comfortable with and establish “quarantine boundaries”… make a plan! Trade-off watching kids. Trade-off date nights (even if that means you and your husband go back home for dinner or watch a movie… being alone does wonders!).
If you have the means to pay for help, do it.
I am giving you permission right now to hire a babysitter, housecleaner, meal to go, tutor, therapist… talk it over with your spouse and see what you can afford or what you need to adjust to make it happen. You can’t afford to sacrifice your mental health. Your kids only get one Mama and there is only one you. Take good care of her.
We hired a nanny when the twins were 2 weeks old (when Mark returned to work). While pregnant with the twins I had our future nanny work one day a week so I could get things done or simply have time to take care of myself and put my swollen feet up. I also bought a belly brace. Pride was far from me! You can read more about that journey here.
Practical Step #2: Put it on the Calendar
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Simple, right? Then why do we have a hard time scheduling it in? If you want life changing, life giving results you need to have a plan and do your best to stick to it!
Do date nights give you life? Put it on the calendar. Once a month? Twice a month? Every week? Has it been too long since you picked up a book and read for pleasure? Make margin for it! I have some friends who take their books out when their kids are playing together outside or squeeze in a Bible study when their kids are watching a TV show or two. No shame… you need a break too. And doing dishes and folding laundry aren’t exactly that. But if watching a fun show gives you life, pop that on while folding clothes.
Having something on the calendar is like a light at the end of a dark tunnel. Quarantine is hard and has lead many of us into the dark unforeseen and unknown. Put something to look forward to on the schedule and it will keep you afloat on the especially difficult days.
Practical Step #3: Stay Hydrated Everyday
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Make sure to drink plenty of water throughout your day. In this article by WebMD you read there are 6 health benefits to drinking water:
- Maintain Balance
- Control
- Helps Energize
- Keeps You Looking Good
- Helps Your Kidneys (cleanse body of waste)
- Keeps You Regular
It’s so important to stay hydrated! Did you know it is also important to stay hydrated with whatever fills your cup? Getting even small sips throughout the day helps to:
- Maintain Balance and Regulation. Your days will start to flow easier.
- Have Self Control. When you have a minute (or ten or more) to breathe, refocus and regroup you have increased patience and are more open to what (or who) is in front of you.
- Fill your tank. Even small deposits keep from running on empty. Small deposits can also build to fill (and not just maintain) which means you operate out of abundance instead of lack.
- Look good! Vanity metrics aside: naps, a cup of coffee or a walk can boost your motivation and your mood. Re-entering with a smile or fresh approach always looks good on you (not to mention makes others around you feel good. That’s radiating beauty from within).
- Clean your body of waste. Specifically I’m talking about bitterness, complaining, sour attitudes, hopelessness, etc. Drink it in and cleanse it out.
- Regulate and get into a healthier routine.
You can do this! I find that I need a boost each school day around 3pm. I call this “Mommy Happy Hour”. It’s the boost I need to get through homework, dinner prep, dinner time and bedtime with the family. Usually I choose coffee or chocolate but lately I’ve been known to eat coffee ice cream. No rules and no judgement!
Introducing: Mommy Happy Hour
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Here are my latest discoveries from Trader Joes. I could eat a couple of the Cold Brew Latte pops. They are very light! Hands down, my latest obsession are these Brownie Crisp Coffee Ice Cream Sandwiches! I look forward to these and therefore, look forward to one of my most challenging times of the day. Why? Because these babies bring me delicious motivation and instant joy!
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Tag me in your Mommy Happy Hour on Instagram! If you’re not yet, follow along with me @allieslight and use the hashtag #MHH. I would love to share MHH ideas and encourage each other to press on!
You Are Not the Only One Struggling
The last thing I’ll say is that isolation is really good at making you… well… feel isolated in every way. If you struggle with anything (anything at all!) know you are not the only one. Darkness would love you to believe you are different and disgustingly so. This is a lie. Reach out to somebody you trust and tell them what you are experiencing and feeling. Honor your process, there is no shame in shining light on your struggle (it is actually a sign of courage and strength!).
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If you are reading this, you are NOT alone! We are all struggling to keep afloat and we all have had really, really hard days. Choose for yourself this day whom you will serve: Fear & Shame or Fullness & Love. You get to choose!
In regards to quarantine, the truth is: we all get it. Our home life, work life and details may vary, but we all know what it’s like to be kept. Kept indoors, kept away and kept out of the comfort of what was our “normal lives”. And those of us who are keepers of young families or elderly parents, we feel the added pressure.
If your kettle is screaming, don’t ignore the alert. Take it as a cue for a break and pour yourself a cup of tea. You can’t control the day but you can control what you do with it and how you manage yourself. Fill ‘er up! She is worthy of replenishment and freedom awaits.
What sets you free?
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I just love reading your blog, Allie. Thanks for sharing your story and your tips about life. Its encouraging in many Different wAys!
Wow! Thank you SO much Darrah! Your words are so life giving, thank you.