We are more than half way through this journey! If you are just entering the scene, picture this: I’m pregnant with twin girls, have a 5-year-old son and 2-year-old daughter. We’ve walked through a normal, easy pregnancy (Ethan). Discovered we had unexplained secondary infertility, failed to fost-adopt, failed IVF, successfully adopted our sweet Gracie Grace, successfully carried these twin babies (round 2 IVF, both frozen for a year)… and now I’m in the hospital, waiting to meet Baby A (Karis) + Baby B (Faith).
By God’s pure grace I carried FULL TERM with twins (38 weeks to the day). As I was getting ready to get in the car, headed to my scheduled delivery, I noticed I was leaking… a clear, trickle kept collecting in my underwear: Is this?…. My water breaking?
When my water broke with Ethan it was a gush! The trickle threw me but we were headed to the hospital anyway. After a quick sample, it was confirmed: my water broke! Talk about God’s perfect timing!
Despite my water leak, labor didn’t progress quickly. Mark and I filled our day watching Netflix movies while we waited for the babies to make their grand entrance. All the while my water continued to slowly break leak. They started me on some pitosin low and slow. Not much happened. After waiting all day the doctor said he wanted to give my body some rest for the night. Tomorrow morning he would kick up the pitosin. Our plan A was NOT a C-Section.
Getting ready for bed I stood up to walk to the bathroom (as I had throughout the day). But when I got up this time, Mark saw I was leaving a trail of blood.
He flagged a nurse immediately and calmly told me, “Um Babe, you’re not leaking water anymore. It’s blood.”
What??!! I didn’t feel any different… but behind me on the sterile, hospital floor was the evidence.
This can’t be good.
The doctor came in, checked the heart rate monitors (still good) then gave me 2 choices:
- We can continue to wait and risk any consequences or
- We can perform an emergency c-section and get the babies out right away.
Heart beats were stable, it’s possible the bleeding is due to Baby A’s placenta but we wouldn’t know for sure until the babies are out.
I opted for the emergency C-Section.
Things moved quickly from there! I was wheeled away and given meds that put me on the worst rollercoaster. I fluctuated from severe tension headaches to relief every couple minutes in lieu of contractions.
Mark came in, gloved and gowned up. A curtain popped up that hid my pregnant belly, shielding me from the surgery. This thin sheet marked the final few moments of our lives as we knew it.
Lots of pulling and pressure… but then…
the sweetest, tiniest cry I ever did hear.
Karis Bliss came into the world with tiny features and a sweet little face. Lighter skin-tone than her brother… but absolutely perfect.
When they laid her on my chest she just made sense. Of course this is my daughter! I could see the connection and resemblance. She was just so peaceful.
4 minutes later…
a small, irritated cry burst into the room.
Faith Everly had arrived. Grumpy, snarly and unamused.
When they laid her on my chest I thought, “How can this be my daughter?” She looks nothing like Ethan or Karis. Who does she take after? I just don’t see it. And yet, she’s perfect.
Mark and I looked at each other and just fell completely in love. Our girls were finally in our arms.
From the minute they came into the world, our twin girlies were completely different. Mark had some fears of not being able to tell them apart, but they were unmistakably fraternal twins. And they were the most precious tiny babies I’d ever seen!
Lots more movement was happening on the other end of that curtain. I later found out that the bleeding I experienced was due to Karis’ placenta. I also learned that her placenta was so embedded into my uterus that the doctor had to scrape it off. This means that even if I did deliver the babies naturally I would have still had to have surgery to detach her placenta as he said it was extremely embedded and difficult to remove.
Thank you, God that I didn’t labor a twin birth and then have surgery! I was cradling 2 perfectly healthy twin girls by the time they were stitching me up. As I rolled out the OR I had the biggest smile on my face as I was successfully duel nursing twins! This moment remains one of my most precious memories I carry in my heart.
Have you ever had one of those moments where the gifts just keep on layering? Unexplainably! And all you have to give back is simple, but profound, gratitude?
After all the heartache, prayers + petitions, pokes + bruises, tears, fighting, waiting, hoping… we were here with them. Our hearts literally multiplied into 2 tiny people. Living, breathing and thriving off of my body’s nourishment.
5 years later, we had our baby babies.
This is the final layer that gets me today: The nursing staff said we were 1 of 3 couples delivering twins at the hospital that day. This was truly unique as this particular hospital doesn’t have a NICU so most parents of multiples choose a different hospital. The other couples had to part from one or both of their twins as they needed to be transported to a NICU. In our recovery room, between Mark and I, we snuggled, held, skin-on-skin cherished these babies almost exclusively until we were discharged.
Only God.
We took the twins home in our new bus. They were SO tiny! My ankles on the other hand, were SO huge!
The next weeks and months were hard, beautiful and exhausting. We hired a full-time nanny at 2 weeks (when Mark went back to work). I exclusively pumped until 5 months and everyday I wanted to eat either a Chick-fil-a milkshake, homemade frappuccino, or Trader Joe’s ice cream cookie sandwich… and most days, I did! Milk production required LOTS of calories and my cravings were stronger nursing/pumping than they were pregnant.
Transitioning from 2 to 4 kids was very difficult. While our oldest was so proud, intentional and sweet to the girls, our 2-year-old threw a tantrum every time I nursed them, held them or paid attention to them. I remember nursing the girls under a cover at home just to avoid a meltdown (out of sight, out of 2-year-old mind).
What’s worse is Grace didn’t understand why I could hold the twins but couldn’t pick her up because I was recovering from a C-Section (Dr’s orders were I couldn’t lift anything heavier than the twins until 6 weeks post-partum). It broke my heart!
But on week 6, I took little Miss Grace on a 1:1 Costco shopping trip where I picked her up for the first time and we had the longest, sweetest embrace. Another memory deposit in my heart.
Until the twins slept through the night either Mark, both grandmas, auntie or our nanny helped with late night diaper changes, feedings and putting back to bed. Ethan started Kindergarten (half day), Grace was home full time and fully 2, and we worked to keep the babies on the same schedule.
By the time the twin’s turned 6-months-old they started sleeping through the night regularly. At 8 months Mark and I got away for our annual week away together. This year we went to Cabo. On vacation we did all the indulgent things: slept in, drank warm coffee during “quiet time” (a long lost art), enjoyed uninterrupted (hot) meals and conversations. Mark did some resort activities but I stayed in my chair most of the trip alternating between reading, napping or eating. It was glorious! I remember chatting with people at this adults only resort talking about how many kids we had. After their initial shock, Mark would say, “It’s just the best!” I would look at him and burst with pride and joy! Thank You, God, for giving me a man who loves his family so much!
We talked about family planning (you’d think we’d learn by now). Mark and I were both super full and happy with what we had that we talked about making plans for Mark’s vasectomy. I hadn’t been on birth control for years and was told by my doctor that I didn’t need to worry about getting pregnant once I stopped nursing with our history of secondary infertility and with the trauma of my surgery (ie: uterus scraping… I know! Sorry). So we agreed to make plans for the snip!
We returned home, relaxed and rejuvenated ready to take on another year. This time as a family of 6. Now finally starting to get into a groove and schedule, we worked up to dropping the twins off at church for an hour on Sunday so we could enjoy the sermon in peace. Life was headed toward “doable” and we were ready for it!
On Mother’s Day 2016, we came home from church and I just felt off. The 3 girls fell asleep during the car ride home so Mark put them down for their naps in their rooms. But before doing so he made some quick joke saying, “maybe you’re pregnant”.
Haha.
I changed into my pajamas ready to rest when I thought… no. I couldn’t be! We had a couple left over pregnancy tests in the bathroom so I took one before lying down to kick that thought right out of my head.
+ + + PREGNANT + + +
“Are you serious Jesus!?! Are you serious????!!!!!”
I yelled.
Ethan came running in asking, “What? What?”
“Get your Daddy right now!”
Ethan runs up the stairs toward Grace’s room… I quickly regained some sense and loudly whispered, “No Ethan! Not yet! Let Daddy finish putting Grace in her crib”
Not even this news is worth keeping a toddler from her nap. Amen?
Ethan runs back to me pacing back and fourth and loudly, but dumbfoundedly, reapeating, “Seriously Jesus?! Are you serious????”
Ethan was so confused.
When Mark finally came down the stairs, I had Ethan hold my phone to video the news. Holding up the pregnancy test Mark squinted at it, leaning in to see what I was holding.
“Is that a pregnancy test? Are you… pregnant?” In disbelief he says, “Oh my gosh”
On the video you can hear Ethan’s 6-year-old voice then say, “Uh ohhhhhh!”
To see this video + the gender reveal video, head to my Instagram account @allieslight and click on the Highlight Titled: WFP?
This is where we hit the pause button.
Once we welcomed the babies home from the hospital, Ethan was the very best big brother so it didn’t even cross my mind that he really wanted a brother (still).
After embracing this plot twist and unexpected blessing, Mark and I couldn’t stop saying how crazy this was. But Ethan calmly, joyfully declared,
“I knew it would happen! I prayed to God everyday since the twins were born to have a brother.”
*blink blink*
We looked at him as if to say, “You did what now?” And he beamed back at us with the biggest smile as if to say, “You’re welcome!”
If you remember in this post he was sad and confused when we found out both twins were girls. We told him that we don’t get to choose the gender of the babies God gives us but that kid was confident beyond confidence I was carrying his brother.
This was the most epic mother’s day in my history of mother’s days. Do you remember this one? The goodness of God is so rich and deep! He is full of surprises and delivers joy in ways I could never imagine!
The very next day I made Mark trade in his truck for a mini van. Happy Mother’s Day to me!
On the note of wanting a brother, Mark also unashamedly wanted another son. He wanted to know so badly if I was carrying a baby boy or girl that he paid for me to have my blood drawn to find out during the first trimester. I warned him that if it was a girl this would mean he would be disappointed longer… are you sure you want to know?
I added another poke to the running tab of needles of motherhood.
The result? We added another Baller to the team!
Young05 due 2017
In the next What Family Planning, I’ll take you through pregnant life with twin 1-year-olds, a 3-year-old and an ever inquisitive and chatty 6-year-old. We’ll get into my desire to be everything for everyone, let go of full-time help and “totally handle it”…
So… you can probably guess how it may have gone…
Thanks for reading! If you know of anyone who might benefit from sharing my story, please do so! There is struggle but there is always hope! I just wish I knew more people experiencing similar struggles when I was in the thick of it. It’s my hope that our story would be an encouragement to others and kick that lie in the face that whispers, “You’re the only one that struggles with this.” To God alone be the glory!
